Time to Laugh

It has been a long week with so much happening at the Children’s Home we run in Kenya that I needed a few laughs. A kind friend sent me the following.

SIGNS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door – the bell doesn’t work)

IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs

IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

OUTSIDE A FARM: Horse manure – 50 pence per pre-packed bag; 20 pence do-it-yourself.

ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)

ENGLISH SIGN IN A GERMAN CAFE: Mothers, Please Wash Your Hans Before Eating.

OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything – bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.

OUTSIDE A NEW TOWN HALL WHICH WAS TO BE OPENED BY THE PRINCE OF WALES: The Town Hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.

OUTSIDE A DISCO: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.

QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

NOTICE SENT TO RESIDENTS OF A WILTSHIRE PARISH: Due to increasing problems with litter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order.

NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER’S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

ON A MOTORWAY GARAGE: Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is.

SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car

SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

Get to see more of the world (including the funny signs) by joining Christian House Sitters and benefiting from rent-free accommodation and/or having someone look after your home and pets free of charge while you are away travelling. Details www.Christian-housesitters.com

If you would like to know why this has been such a busy week at our Children’s Home please have a look here www.tlc-childrenstrust.org/update.htm

God bless you,

Ray

We are part of the registered charity

TLC Children’s Trust

UK Charity number 1156786

www.tlc-childrenstrust.org

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Oops. How embarrasing

We are taking a short break in our mini series of media articles about Christian House Sitters. I felt it was time for something a little different but I will return to the series in a few weeks.

A friend sent me the following story. I can’t credit the original author as I have no idea who wrote it but it was too good not to share.

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was  searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.

She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ”I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, making lewd gestures to the guy in front of you and, cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally . . . I assumed you had stolen the car.”

Ask yourself . . .
Am I just a Sunday morning Christian?
Do I set a good Christian example everyday?
Think about it . . ..
Being a Christian is a whole lot like being on Candid Camera. When you least expect it, expect it!

PS  James 1:27 (NIV) says: Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  You can do something now. Have a look at http://www.tlc-childrenstrust.org

God bless you,

Ray

We are part of the registered charity

TLC Children’s Trust

UK Charity number 1156786

www.tlc-childrenstrust.org

 
WordPress are adding adverts to blogs. They are not always shown but if there are adverts on this page please note they were not placed by me, not approved by me and do not imply my recommendation