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Category Archives: Funny

Fake News and a good laugh

Everywhere I go people are talking about FAKE NEWS.

They make it sound like a new phenomenon but I was reminded of a post I put up on this blog way back 6 years ago and I thought it was worth repeating.

Here it is. It was titled

 

The Biker, The Hungry Lion and Housesitting

LionAs I was reading a report on housesitting in the Guardian I was reminded of this old but still funny story:

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into  the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket  and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says  Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life. 

Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.

Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s papers will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride?

A Harley Davidson.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the first page:

BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

Fake News
As I said I was reading an article in The Guardian that reminded me of that story. The headline says Find a housesitter – for free.

And the article goes on to talk at length about a company who offer to find you a suitable sitter. But in my opinion the headline is very misleading!  (Or to use today’s language it is FAKE NEWS.)

Yes registration is indeed free BUT the article continues by saying that once a suitable sitter is found you will have to pay the agency for their services. This is not free and I find the cost expensive. According to the article  someone with two pets could pay £772.80 (approx $1500)  for a two-week stint

I believe that we offer a far better solution.

And our service is available worldwide.

With Christian House Sitters registration as a Home Owner needing a sitter is FREE

Once you have a suitable sitter they will come and look after your home and pets and this is once again FREE

Why pay £772 (approx $1000) for 2 weeks when we offer a Free alternative?

But what about security? All our sitters are members of a recognised Christian church, supply the details of their church leader/minister/ pastor and they will provide the owner with references from a church leader and at least one other person.

If you are thinking of a vacation and want someone to look after your home please visit our website and register as an owner.

Register as soon as you know your vacation dates, don’t leave it to the last-minute, as that way you will have a much better range of sitters to choose from.

If you want to be a sitter and to enjoy a rent-free vacation then we can also help.

Have a look at the website for the details. CLICK HERE

God bless you,

Ray

We are part of the registered charity

TLC Children’s Trust

UK Charity number 1156786

www.tlc-childrenstrust.org

WordPress are adding adverts to blogs. They are not always shown but if there are adverts on this page please note they were not placed by me, not approved by me and do not imply my recommendation

“A Diary of House-Sitting Tails”

A diary of house-sitting tails

I am naturally always interested to read about House Sitting so when I found out about a book called “A Diary of House-Sitting Tails” by Carolyn Slingsby I downloaded a copy from Amazon.

I was thrilled to read about our ministry in this book!

Here is an extract from the first couple of pages:

At the end of November 2008, after living and working in Spain for six years, my husband and I suddenly and devastatingly lost everything, and had no choice but to head back to the UK.

Brian and I had gone to Spain six years previously in 2002, knowing nobody there at all, and we began totally from scratch. I knew I had to find my feet, so I quickly became resourceful in finding jobs, mainly in the property market. At one time, I helped a company to sell villas and apartments, focusing mainly on marketing, but I had other duties, too. Once, I had to do a complete ‘makeover’ on a property, which turned out to be a total full cleaning and fumigation exercise. The property in question was in a terrible condition, covered in excrement and filth which stank to high heaven; he had kept five dogs there, and hadn’t done much in the way of cleaning! Eventually –after hours of cleaning and sorting –I managed to find a buyer, but it still smelled if you were downwind! It was only months later that I realised why I was so ill after that experience.

We loved Spain and its people, and it was our fantastic church community who helped us through the very traumatic ending to our lifestyle there, when –due to the economic climate –we lost our villa and all our money, and had only forty-eight hours to leave and hand the keys back to the bank.

Our compassionate congregation bought all our furniture, including the wood burning stove and very large satellite dish (which went off on the roof of an estate car!), to raise us enough money for petrol to drive back to the UK. We stored ten boxes, containing our various small everyday goods, in the under-house storage of one of those kind church folk, where it ended up staying for two years!

So, back in the UK and having to start again from scratch, we knew we had to survive and get a roof over our heads whilst we worked out what direction life was taking us in.

This was when God led us to The Christian House Sitters website! We found two separate house sits in France on our way back to the UK in December and January 2008-2009, and so began our ‘Tails of House Sitting’ –adventures and experiences we would have missed out on if not for the traumatic ending of our life in Spain!

The book is a lot of fun and well worth reading.

If you have interesting stories about House Sitting please share them with me.

Would you like a break from your normal daily grind. Time to getaway, relax, renew relationships, rest, have fun and generally recharge your inner batteries.

We can help.

We offer rent-free vacations all over the world and, if necessary, we can also arrange for someone reliable to look after your home and pets free-of-charge while you are away

If you would like to benefit from our service please have a look at the website. CLICK HERE.

God bless you,
Ray

 

Christian House Sitters
is part of the registered charity
TLC Children’s Trust
UK Charity number 1156786
www.tlc-childrenstrust.org

WordPress are adding adverts to blogs. They are not always shown but if there are adverts on this page please note they were not placed by me, not approved by me and do not imply my recommendation

Crazy, funny, international laws

There is a lovely quote in Oliver Twist when Mr. Bumble, the unhappy spouse of a domineering wife, is told in court that “…the law supposes that your wife acts under your direction”, replies: “If the law supposes that,” said Mr. Bumble, squeezing his hat emphatically in both hands, “the law is a ass – a idiot”.

I enjoy finding old laws that are a bit odd or unusual.

With Christian House Sitters offering people rent-free accommodation all over the world may I suggest that you brush up on local laws before you travel.

Although to be honest most of the following are not enforced. I have gleaned them from a range of different sources.

Enjoy and laugh

Warning Sign

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In Tennessee, shooting at an animal from your car is forbidden, with one exception: it is not illegal to draw your weapon on a whale. Good luck finding one in that part of the world…

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Kansas. If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.

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A law in Nevada forbids anyone from placing a park bench in the middle of the road.

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In England dying is illegal in the Houses of Parliaments – This has been voted as the most ridiculous law by the British citizens.

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Do not read this sign

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A law in Alaska forbids motorists from driving around with a dog attached to the roof.

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If you’re taking a drive in South Berwick, Maine, it’s important to note that parking in front of a Dunkin Donuts is against the law.

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Imagine you’re in Florida, and you fancy a ride on the back of an elephant. Well, don’t forget that you’re still required to pay for your parking.

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PolicemanIt is Illegal to Wear a Bullet Proof Vest While Committing Murder in NJ. For those of you planning violent crimes in New Jersey, according to New Jersey statute 2C:39-13, a person has committed a crime if “he uses or wears a body vest while engaged in the commission of, or an attempt to commit, or flight after committing or attempting to commit murder, manslaughter, robbery, sexual assault, burglary, kidnapping, criminal escape or assault.” In other words, the vest could bump your offense from third to second degree.

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Did you know that if you take your life into your hands getting behind the wheel in China, and more specifically in Beijing, you must under no circumstances stop for pedestrians? You could be arrested.

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In Missouri it is illegal to drive with an uncaged bear.

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A Californian law forbids women from driving a car dressed in a bathrobe.

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Judge

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In Oklahoma, it is against the law to have a sleeping donkey in your bathtub after 7pm

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In Ohio, you can be fined if you’re caught going around a traffic circle more than 100 times.

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Do you fancy a Sunday drive around Denver, Colorado? If you’re unlucky enough to own a black car, you’ll have to go on foot. Driving in a black vehicle on Sundays is not permitted.

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No mooring crocodiles

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Are you planning some time away?

Would you like rent-free accommodation?

Would you like someone to look after your home and pets while you are away. Free of charge.

Have a look at our website. www.christian-housesitters.com

If you have any other questions that are not answered on the website please use the contact page and I will do my best to answer you promptly.

God bless you,

Ray

We are part of the registered charity

TLC Children’s Trust

UK Charity number 1156786

www.tlc-childrenstrust.org

WordPress are adding adverts to blogs. They are not always shown but if there are adverts on this page please note they were not placed by me, not approved by me and do not imply my recommendation

This made me laugh

A  kind friend sent me the following which she found in the Diocese of Salisbury Magazine

LaughingGenuine holiday complaints printed in parish magazines…

 

“We found it was not like the sand in the brochure – your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”

“On my holiday to Goa in India I was disgusted to find that almost all the local restaurants sold curry – I do not like spicy foods.”

“We booked an excursion to a local water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”

“The beach was too sandy.”

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too think and strong. He was inadvertently slurping his gravy at the time.

“Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”

“We bought designer sunglasses for five Euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”

“It took us nine hours to fly home to England from Jamaica, but it only took the Americans three hours to get home.”

“I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.”
Mosquito
“The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the accommodation.’ We’re trainee hairdressers – will we be OK staying there?”

“I was bitten by a mosquito. No-one said they could bite.

“No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”

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Are you planning some time away?

Would you like rent-free accommodation?

Would you like someone to look after your home and pets while you are away. Free of charge.

Have a look at our website. http://www.christian-housesitters.com

Click Here

 

 

If you have any other questions that are not answered on the website please use the contact page and I will do my best to answer you promptly.

God bless you,

Ray

We are part of the registered charity

TLC Children’s Trust

UK Charity number 1156786

www.tlc-childrenstrust.org

WordPress are adding adverts to blogs. They are not always shown but if there are adverts on this page please note they were not placed by me, not approved by me and do not imply my recommendation

Letter from a Cat – Reminder

I was browsing the news on Google when I saw a wonderful article about a cat that uses a zebra crossing to safely cross roads. I will put a link to the video and the full story at the end of this blog post,

It brought to my mind a blog post from 4 years ago and I felt it was time to re-post that entry (with a few edits)
cat typingI love animals, always have done so when I received an email that claimed to have been written by a cat I was naturally fascinated.

The email was sent to Christian House Sitters as a thank you from a cat whose ‘owners’ had been away on vacation.

 

Here is what the cat wrote:

 

Hi,

My name is Calypso and I wanted to say a big thank you to Christian House Sitters for the way that you have improved my life.

I have staff (they mistakenly think that they own me but actually they just work for me) and from time to time they have a habit of deserting me. They say that they are going on their annual vacation and I see them excitedly packing their suitcases and getting ready. They look really happy but I have learned that it is bad news. It means I am going to be dumped at the cattery for 2 weeks. Now don’t get me wrong it is a very good cattery and they seem to try their very best but I ask you, do I look like someone who should be locked away in prison?

I have tried to explain this to my staff. I have even tried pulling stuff out the suitcase when they are packing but to no avail.

Once I decided to climb into the  case and join them on their vacation in order to find out what it is all about but I was discovered and ended up in the cattery again. But this year it all changed!

I saw them packing and I felt really depressed but instead of taking me to prison they had arranged for substitute staff to take their place. They called them House Sitters. They were great. Gave me the attention I deserve, fed me my normal food, in the normal place and at the normal time and I had a great time.

Vacation is no longer a word that brings dread to my heart. Thanks for sending the House Sitters. I am telling all the other cats in the street to share the good news with their staff.
Cats have staff
Yours thankfully,

Calypso the Cat

If your cat or dog is trying to tell you something it might be saying that you should click on this link CLICK HERE

If you are thinking of going away and would like a sitter let me know asap. Do not wait until the last-minute.
Remember it is a FREE service.

Just visit our website and register as a home owner. It is quick, free and easy. CLICK HERE 

Remember

  • It is far safer to have someone in your home while you are away.
  • Less chance of being broken into.
  • Less chance that something in the home will become faulty leaving you to return to a disaster
  • Your pets will be much happier
  • You will save money
  • You will be blessed and be blessing another Christian.

God bless you,
Ray

We are part of the registered charity

TLC Children’s Trust

UK Charity number 1156786

www.tlc-childrenstrust.org

Here is the link I promised to the article about the cat crossing the road.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3778106/Spot-Chauffeur-claps-delight-cat-stops-traffic-scurry-zebra-crossing-him.html

 

WordPress are adding adverts to blogs. They are not always shown but if there are adverts on this page please note they were not placed by me, not approved by me and do not imply my recommendation

Flooded Room. Almost an indoor pool.

Something happened this morning that made me think back to when we lived in South Africa 36 years ago. We had a lovely house with a swimming pool. Coming home from work on a hot day and diving into the pool was a real treat.

After we moved to England we no longer had a pool. To be honest we also no longer had as many really hot days either.

This morning I woke up and discovered that we now had an indoor swimming pool.

I went through to the utility room where we have our washing machine, boiler, etc. and as I opened the door my feet were flooded.

Flooded Utility Room

The entire room was under at least 2 inches of water.

OK not a swimming pool but enough to make me remember our old pool.

I am not a great handyman but I knew what needed to be done.

Turn off main water supply.

Clear water from the floor.

Turn water back on and identify the leak.

Turn water off again and go and buy a replacement connector for where the water supply connects to the inlet hose on the washing machine.

Fit it and pray!

Leaking PipesIt worked! Took me about 3 or 4 hours but in the end it worked!

No lasting damage done. Thank you God.

Then I got to thinking what if this had happened while we were away from home of a week or longer?

We would have returned to find the entire house flooded, all the carpets needing to be replaced, no doubt some electrical equipment damaged, walls needing to be re-painted and so on.

In other words it would have cost thousands and been a major inconvenience even if the insurance agreed to cover some of the cost.

We never leave our home unoccupied when we are away.

What about you?

Could your home be flooded, broken into or suffer some other catastrophe while you are away?

By using Christian House Sitters FREE service this need never happen because we can normally arrange for someone suitable, reliable and with references to look after your house and pets free of charge.

This service is available worldwide!

For more information have a look at our website

http://www.Christian-housesitters.com

God bless you,

Ray

We are part of the registered charity

TLC Children’s Trust

UK Charity number 1156786

http://www.tlc-childrenstrust.org

WordPress are adding adverts to blogs. They are not always shown but if there are adverts on this page please note they were not placed by me, not approved by me and do not imply my recommendation

Pets Left At Home Alone

I love animals and always enjoy a good laugh so I was delighted to get a few pictures showing what animals can get up to when they are left alone.

I can’t credit the photographers as I have no idea who took them.

Dog at computer
I would like to say that they were emailed to me by a dog who was complaining that his family had gone on vacation and left him behind.

Yes a paid sitter pops in twice a day for about half an hour but according to him that is simply not good enough. He says he is part of the family and feels unloved and confused by being ‘abandoned’

I thought you were never coming home

As a result when his owners get home they could expect something like this.

Destroyed kitchenCat drinking through straw

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cow on roof

Yes you do deserve a vacation!
No it is not always suitable to take your pets with you.
Yes being at home is normally less stressful to them than being dumped in kennels or a cattery.
But it can still be stressful.
So what is the answer?

One easy answer is to use our FREE service. Wherever you live in the world we will be happy to try to arrange for a reliable person to come and stay in your home, look after the home and your animals. Yes that is right it will not cost you anything as i said it is a free service.

Likewise if you would like to travel but find accommodation too expensive we can help you find rent-free accommodation looking after other people’s homes and pets while they are away and so enabling you to travel and have vacations you may otherwise not have been able to afford.

For full details have a look at our website www.Christian-housesitters.com

God bless you,

Ray

Christian House Sitters is part of the registered charity

TLC Children’s Trust

UK Charity number 1156786

www.tlc-childrenstrust.org

WordPress are adding adverts to blogs. They are not always shown but if there are adverts on this page please note they were not placed by me, not approved by me and do not imply my recommendation

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