Thanks for the encouraging emails after my last post and for the suggestions that resulted in this one as a follow-up. The English language is so very difficult to learn it is amazing that we manage to communicate. Let me try to illustrate
There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple…
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language can one have noses that run and feet that smell?
Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?
The plural of man is always called men, so shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
One may be that and three would be those, yet hat in the plural wouldn’t be hose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say Mother, we never say Methren,
The masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine she, shis and shim,
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
Why does night fall but never break and day breaks but never falls?
Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?
Hot dogs can be cold, darkrooms can be lit, homework can be done in school, nightmares can take place in broad daylight while morning sickness and daydreaming can take place at night, tomboys are girls and midwives can be men,
Why is it that a woman can man a station but a man can’t woman one?
In what other language do they call the third hand on the clock the second hand?
Why do we call them apartments when they’re all together?
Why do we call them buildings, when they’re already built?
Why it is called a TV set when you get only one?
If adults commit adultery, do infants commit infantry?
If olive oil is made from olives, what do they make baby oil from?
If pro and con are opposites, is congress the opposite of progress?
Why can you call a woman a mouse but not a rat — a kitten but not a cat? Why is it that a woman can be a vision, but not a sight — unless your eyes hurt? Then she can be “a sight for sore eyes.”
If a firefighter fights fire, what does a freedom fighter fight?
If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameful and shameless behaviour the same and pricey objects less expensive than priceless ones?
If you decide to be bad forever, you choose to be bad for good
A waiter. Why do they call those food servers waiters, when it’s the customers who do the waiting?
A non-stop flight. Never get on one of these. You’ll never get down.
A near miss. A near miss is, in reality, a collision.
A hot water heater. Who heats hot water?
It’s neither here nor there. Then where is it?
Extraordinary. If extra-fine means “even finer than fine” and extra-large “even larger than large,” why doesn’t extraordinary mean “even more ordinary than ordinary”?
Put on your shoes and socks. This is an exceedingly difficult. Most of us put on our socks first, then our shoes.
Watch your head. I keep seeing this sign on low doorways, but I haven’t figured out how to follow the instructions. Trying to watch your head is like trying to bite your teeth.
Why do six, seven, eight, and nine change to sixty, seventy, eighty, and ninety, but two, three, four, and five do not become twoty, threety, fourty, and fivety.
Finally here are some foreign notices
Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR
Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE
An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS
I have no idea what this last sign means.
Thanks for reading and please do take a moment to look at our website.
God bless you,
WordPress are adding adverts to blogs. They are not always shown but if there are adverts on this page please note they were not placed by me, not approved by me and do not imply my recommendation