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Having Fun with English

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I before e

Thanks for the encouraging emails after my last post and for the suggestions that resulted in this one as a follow-up. The English language is so very difficult to learn it is amazing that we manage to communicate. Let me try to illustrate

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple…

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language can one have noses that run and feet that smell?

Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?

The plural of man is always called men,  so shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?Odd words

One may be that and three would be those,  yet hat in the plural wouldn’t be hose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say Mother, we never say Methren,

The masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine she, shis and shim,

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Why does night fall but never break and day breaks but never falls? 

Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists

Hot dogs can be cold, darkrooms can be lit, homework can be done in school, nightmares can take place in broad daylight while morning sickness and daydreaming can take place at night, tomboys are girls and midwives can be men,

Why is it that a woman can man a station but a man can’t woman one?

In what other language do they call the third hand on the clock the second hand?

Why do we call them apartments when they’re all together?

Why do we call them buildings, when they’re already built?

We Spik Inglis

Why it is called a TV set when you get only one?

If adults commit adultery, do infants commit infantry?

If olive oil is made from olives, what do they make baby oil from?

If pro and con are opposites, is congress the opposite of progress?

Why can you call a woman a mouse but not a rat — a kitten but not a cat? Why is it that a woman can be a vision, but not a sight — unless your eyes hurt? Then she can be “a sight for sore eyes.”

If a firefighter fights fire, what does a freedom fighter fight?

If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameful and shameless behaviour the same and pricey objects less expensive than priceless ones?

If you decide to be bad forever, you choose to be bad for good

A waiter. Why do they call those food servers waiters, when it’s the customers who do the waiting?

A non-stop flight. Never get on one of these. You’ll never get down.

A near miss. A near miss is, in reality, a collision.

A hot water heater. Who heats hot water?

It’s neither here nor there. Then where is it?

Extraordinary. If extra-fine means “even finer than fine” and extra-large “even larger than large,” why doesn’t extraordinary mean “even more ordinary than ordinary”? 

Put on your shoes and socks. This is an exceedingly difficult. Most of us put on our socks first, then our shoes.

Watch your head. I keep seeing this sign on low doorways, but I haven’t figured out how to follow the instructions. Trying to watch your head is like trying to bite your teeth.

Why  do six, seven, eight, and nine change to sixty, seventy, eighty, and ninety, but two, three, four, and five do not become twoty, threety, fourty, and fivety.

Finally here are some foreign notices

Take luggage of a foreigner

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:  WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST,   BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR  PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR

Hotel brochure, Italy:  THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE.  IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:  TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS

Foreign Experts

 

 

I have no idea what this last sign means.

Any suggestions?

Thanks for reading and please do take a moment to look at our website.

CLICK HERE

God bless you,

Ray

 

 

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About housesitters

ABOUT Christian House Sitters Christian House Sitters is a Worldwide ministry that started in order to provide holidays for Christians and sitters for owners who needed a reliable Christian to look after their home, pets and garden. House owners do not pay anything to have their property listed. House sitters are only charged £25 per year and in return for this some enjoy numerous holidays each year. All fees from membership go to sponsor food for children at the Home of Peace Children’s Home in Kenya. This only supplies about a quarter of what is needed to feed the children so we urgently need sponsors. All funds go via our Registered Charity TLC Children’s Trust Charity Number 1156786 website http://www.tlc-childrenstrust.org N.B. Joining Christian House Sitters does NOT commit you to sponsoring a child or giving any support beyond your membership fee to these children. Although naturally if you want to support that would be greatly appreciated. We have some regular sponsors and other people who give an occasional gift. All are greatly appreciated. ABOUT RAY & MARILYN We are Marilyn & Ray White. A fun loving Christian couple who have been in Christian work for over 30 years. Marilyn was born in England but moved to Zimbabwe as a baby. At the age of 16 she moved to South Africa. Ray was born in South Africa and grew up on a farm. We met in Johannesburg and got married in 1966. Ray worked in business for many years then he worked for YfC in South Africa then went on to Bible College and Pastored a church. In 1982 we moved from South Africa to England. In addition to his theological training Ray trained in Psychology and since moving to the UK he has lectured in Psychology, counselled for the NHS and opened a Christian Counselling Centre. Marilyn is also a trained counsellor and manager. In addition to the counselling we trained Christian counsellors both in our local area and by invitation in other areas of the UK. In total over 700 people completed the training courses. Many are serving the Lord by working in or through their local churches. We also ran a secular Stress Management business. We are now semi-retired and focus our time and attention on Christian House Sitters and Ray also serves as a member of our Church Leadership Team. Ray also has an active preaching ministry and runs Christian seminars on subjects such as stress management for church groups. He has written two books. A Christian book that is a very practical workbook on Christian commitment as applied to real life. The book looks at how we can surrender ourselves more fully to God. This is looked at under the headings of Physical, Mental, Social and Spiritual commitment. The book is called Let’s Get Serious. He has also written a secular book on Stress Management called Stress Overcoming this Potential Killer. (Ray was previously Chair of the International Stress Management Association UK). News Update This book has now been released as an e-book as well A few years ago we did a 2 month House Sit in France. Whilst there we felt the Lord leading us to set up a Christian House Sitting service. Since then we have done a number of other house sits. We believe this site will benefit many Christians around the world. Feel free to contact us (BUT please no spam) NOTE: If you want a fast reply the best way to contact us is via the contact page on the Christian House Sitters website www.christian-housesitters.com God bless you, Ray & Marilyn

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